Because, to me, that sounds like punishment. I am not trying to punish myself. I am trying to love myself…Only, I have become so skilled at making my harmful behaviors look like fun, that I am kind of turned around right now. I start longing for something salty, greasy, full of empty calories. It’s going to happen, probably for the rest of my life. But I am not on a diet- I am just trying to fill in most of the meal-check boxes with foods that nourish me. I am trying to change my really bad, really ingrained, habits.
What does this look like? Right now, it’s kind of a mess. I lose sight of the objective, and it starts to feel (and look) like punishment again. I have to remind myself that, yes, I do want to lose weight…but what I really want more than that is to be happy. And happiness, sometimes, is just stopping when you are full. Sometimes it’s an apple, sometimes it’s apple pie a la mode. 🙂 It isn’t being hungry. Happiness is not being hungry. It’s answering that hunger with something nice, instead of something that tastes nice but makes you really sorry later.
Lately, for reasons I do not understand, the focuse for me has been very much on socialization and being with people I love- or at least like a lot- and just enjoying life. It is really hard to eat the way I am trying to eat when you are socializing, man. But I will get there. Tonight, I splurged on homemade Enchiladas with some family and old friends. I don’t regret it one bit. It was so nice to have a house full of friends I’ve known for years, just talking that good talk, and laughing. Nothing feels better than that.
I’ve had some stuff going on that is keeping me from exercising the way I want to, and I really hope to have it resolved soon so that I can move the heck on with my life. And, best of all, school starts again next week, so my schedule should settle down a little! Yay!
that’s all I have tonight, kids. See you soon.